- Knowledgebase: Questions about Sex, Puberty, and Periods
- Questions about Sex, Puberty, and Periods, for adolescents and their parents.
- 11. Puberty: Peer Pressure - Top
- Peer Pressures: By the age of 8, children are becoming more sensitive to what their peers think of them: the feeling among many is that they don't want to be considered "different." So it's not surprising that more developed 8-year-old girls can feel like oddballs among their peers. It doesn't help that curves and big breasts aren't today's preteen fashion ideal, either. Models like Kate Moss have popularized a lean, flat-chested look. "A lot of girls are so focused on not being fat that getting breasts is the last thing they want," says Nicholson.
Worse, girls who are the first in their class to develop are more likely to be singled out for ridicule. One mother remembers her newly developed 8-year-old coming off the bus in tears because some children had mockingly asked whether she had stuffed wads of tissue inside her dress. Some girls, embarrassed and self-conscious, try to deny the whole thing by wearing oversized clothes, walking hunched over, or otherwise trying to camouflage their breasts. "Jennie wanted to wear a sports bra that was a size too small in order to flatten herself out," says one mother whose daughter developed breast buds in third grade.
Paradoxically, while girls may have mixed feelings about their new bodies, their hormones are sparking a dawning interest in the opposite sex. Boys the same age, who are naturally less mature, often are not deemed acceptable objects of romance. Instead, a mature-looking girl may gravitate toward older children -- boys or girls -- who may not know her real age. "A 10-year-old with big breasts may be embarrassed when she's around girls her age, but when she's among 15-year-olds who are paying attention to her, she feels more comfortable," says Dr. Felice.
Experts say, though, that while a 10-year-old may be accepted by kids who are four or five years older, she is decidedly less savvy than they are. It's not until about age 12 that children even begin thinking more like adults. In fact, most 9- or 10-year-olds lack the judgment to know when they're being taken advantage of by older kids, or how to handle "hot" issues like smoking, drinking, and sex, which are more likely to crop up in an older crowd.
According to Nicholson, studies show that these high-risk behaviors tend to be more prevalent among girls who go through puberty early. Self-esteem also can suffer. Higher levels of emotional distress, depression, and overall dissatisfaction with their body shape have also been found among girls who mature earlier. It's not clear whether these effects last much beyond puberty, but it's known that girls who develop early are more likely to be relatively short (because they stop growing earlier), with wider hips and larger breasts than girls who develop later.
Body Image: Emotionally speaking, there is a lot parents can do to help ease the transition to early puberty. Despite their discomfort with the subject, adults need to communicate with their kids and offer reassurance early on that their bodies are working the way they're supposed to and that eventually their friends will catch up. Dr. Tolchin says when she notices that a girl is starting to develop, she'll bring up the subject herself. "I'll always ask the mother, in front of her daughter, how old she was when she got her period." Since the starting age of puberty is patterned after the same-sex parent, knowing a mother's history offers a way to start talking to her daughter about what to expect and when. In addition, many elementary schools are beginning health-education programs earlier than in the past because of the declining age of puberty. Asking your daughter what she thought about the program is one way to broach the subject. Another opportunity can arise when it's time to buy your daughter's first bra or when she starts to perspire more heavily. While it's tough to put a positive spin on body odor, the pretty packaging and flowery scents of many deodorants can make picking one out seem like buying makeup. "She was so happy -- she didn't even know what deodorant was before," says one mother, whose daughter was desperate about body odor and had begun showering three times a day.
When and how to talk about sex is very much a personal decision, but the most graphic facts needn't be spelled out right off the bat. "I usually start by saying that these are normal changes that eventually prepare you to have a baby and leave it at that," says Dr. Lebinger, who takes her cues from the child's level of interest. Hormones also will awaken girls' interest in boys -- usually by the time menstruation begins -- and at that point it's natural to start talking about boy/girl sexual relations and the importance of not letting anyone touch one's body in an inappropriate way. Puberty also is an ideal opportunity to get girls thinking about the contrast between the media's image of female beauty and what most people really look like. Emphasizing the importance of judging people based on what they say and do, rather than on how they look, is one way to make a girl feel less self-conscious. "The ideal is to make her proud of her body without flaunting it or being ashamed," adds Dr. Felice.
Modesty is another issue to be addressed. By age 5 or 6 some girls are zealous about covering their body; others may enter puberty not realizing why it's no longer appropriate to run around the house naked or bathe with the door open. Some children will need help finding ways to gain more privacy, especially if they share a room or family bathroom space is at a premium. When one 9-year-old wanted to leave the room at day camp to put on her bathing suit, her mother showed her instead how she could change under her shirt with the other girls present. Now that same girl's pediatrician has predicted she'll start menstruating soon, and she and her mother have talked about how she'll handle things if her first period arrives at sleep-away camp this summer. - Updated: March 8, 2001
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