Rainbow Pediatrics, PA Hendersonville, NC (828) 698 8135

James L Horwitz, MD • David C Thomas MD • Deborah D Radecki, MD • Barbara Lindberg, PNP • Rhonda Hertwig, PNP

Knowledgebase: Parenting Questions

Questions about the managment of common parenting problems such as discipline.

27. Separation Anxiety - Top

Many young children seem afraid to explore alone and become distressed at the prospect of separation from a parent or loved one. Separation anxiety and distress can be even more intense in a new environment, especially if the child can't predict what will happen to him in a new place.

Here are some ways that you can ease your child into independence:

-Visit and get him familiar with new surroundings and people before actually leaving him in a strange environment with new people.

-Be reassuring and understanding. Let him know that you appreciate his feelings. Calling him a "baby" doesn't help, nor does scolding, threatening, or teasing.

-Try not to promise rewards to your child for controlling or hiding very real distress. It can be nice to have a special event to look forward to when you reunite, but the plans shouldn't be conditional on good behavior.

- It's natural for a parent to feel some guilt when their child has separation anxiety. Remember that your child may pick up signals of your own conflict or anxiety and try to manipulate the situation instead of coping with it. If you're feeling unsure about the arrangements you have made for your youngster, decide whether you need a change, or accept them as something you will both have to deal with.

Back to School- Making smooth transitions between home, school and other programs can help children feel good about themselves and teach them to trust other adults and children. Helping kids adapt to new situations can ease your concerns and give you a chance to become involved in your child's education.

1. Be enthusiastic about the upcoming change. If you are excited and confident, your child will be, too.

2. Prepare yourself. Take note of how your child reacts to separation. If possible, visit the new setting together. Introduce your child to the new teacher in advance.

3. Arrange a play date with another child from the program, preferably one-on-one, so that your child will see a familiar face when she walks in.

4. Start daily routines that will add to continuity. Let your child become involved with packing lunch or laying out clothes. Also, begin an earlier bedtime several weeks before.

5. Put aside extra time, particularly on the first day, for chatting and commuting together. But remember not to prolong the good-bye. If your child whines or clings, staying will only make it harder.

6. Always say good-bye to your child. Be firm, but friendly about separating. Never ridicule a child for crying. Instead, make supportive statements like, "it's hard to say good-bye."

7. At the end of the workday, put aside your concerns and focus on being a parent.

Transitions are exciting opportunities for children to learn and grow, but milestones in children's lives can cause anxiety, too. Parents have an important role in making children feel safe and secure as they move to new settings. When you are supportive and encouraging while providing limits and a safe environment, you and your child will both win.

This information and other resources are available from the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) and the ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Children's Research Center, Parent Library:
"Coping with Separation Anxiety", by Lillian G. Katz).

ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign,
Children's Research Center, 51 Gerty Drive, Champaign, IL 61820-7469,
Phone: (217) 333-1386; Fax: (217) 333-3767;
Email: ericeece@uiuc.edu

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
1509 16th Street, N.W.
Washington, DC 20036-1426
Phone: 202-232-8777; 800-424-2460
FAX: 202-328-1846
E-mail: pubaff@naeyc.org
Web: http://www.naeyc.org/ - Updated: March 8, 2001

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Questions about the managment of common parenting problems such as discipline.

27. Separation Anxiety - Top: Many young children seem afraid to explore alone and become distressed at the prospect of separation from a parent or loved one. Separation anxiety and distress can be even more intense in a new environment, especially if the child can't predict what will happen to him in a new place.

Here are some ways that you can ease your child into independence:

-Visit and get him familiar with new surroundings and people before actually leaving him in a strange environment with new people.

-Be reassuring and understanding. Let him know that you appreciate his feelings. Calling him a "baby" doesn't help, nor does scolding, threatening, or teasing.

-Try not to promise rewards to your child for controlling or hiding very real distress. It can be nice to have a special event to look forward to when you reunite, but the plans shouldn't be conditional on good behavior.

- It's natural for a parent to feel some guilt when their child has separation anxiety. Remember that your child may pick up signals of your own conflict or anxiety and try to manipulate the situation instead of coping with it. If you're feeling unsure about the arrangements you have made for your youngster, decide whether you need a change, or accept them as something you will both have to deal with.

Back to School- Making smooth transitions between home, school and other programs can help children feel good about themselves and teach them to trust other adults and children. Helping kids adapt to new situations can ease your concerns and give you a chance to become involved in your child's education.

1. Be enthusiastic about the upcoming change. If you are excited and confident, your child will be, too.

2. Prepare yourself. Take note of how your child reacts to separation. If possible, visit the new setting together. Introduce your child to the new teacher in advance.

3. Arrange a play date with another child from the program, preferably one-on-one, so that your child will see a familiar face when she walks in.

4. Start daily routines that will add to continuity. Let your child become involved with packing lunch or laying out clothes. Also, begin an earlier bedtime several weeks before.

5. Put aside extra time, particularly on the first day, for chatting and commuting together. But remember not to prolong the good-bye. If your child whines or clings, staying will only make it harder.

6. Always say good-bye to your child. Be firm, but friendly about separating. Never ridicule a child for crying. Instead, make supportive statements like, "it's hard to say good-bye."

7. At the end of the workday, put aside your concerns and focus on being a parent.

Transitions are exciting opportunities for children to learn and grow, but milestones in children's lives can cause anxiety, too. Parents have an important role in making children feel safe and secure as they move to new settings. When you are supportive and encouraging while providing limits and a safe environment, you and your child will both win.

This information and other resources are available from the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) and the ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Children's Research Center, Parent Library:
"Coping with Separation Anxiety", by Lillian G. Katz).

ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign,
Children's Research Center, 51 Gerty Drive, Champaign, IL 61820-7469,
Phone: (217) 333-1386; Fax: (217) 333-3767;
Email: ericeece@uiuc.edu

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
1509 16th Street, N.W.
Washington, DC 20036-1426
Phone: 202-232-8777; 800-424-2460
FAX: 202-328-1846
E-mail: pubaff@naeyc.org
Web: http://www.naeyc.org/ - Updated: March 8, 2001

[e-Mail me the Knowledgebase] - [Search our Knowledgebase] - [Question Not Answered?] Custom Search