• Knowledgebase: Stooling and Constipation questions

    Questions about stooling and constipation.

    4. My 3 year old is not toilet trained yet! - Top

    Q. My mother says all her children were out of diapers before they turned one. My son is almost three and still hasn't mastered using the toilet. What am I doing wrong?

    A. The average age for toilet accomplishment is 29 months for girls and 30 months for boys, says Dr. Hagan. "`Average' means that at age two and a half, about half the kids we're seeing are not yet potty trained--and that's absolutely fine," he says. "This does not mean you are a failure as a parent or that your child is abnormal." Using the toilet is a process of mastery, Dr. Hagan adds. "It's just like learning to walk, talk, and play with blocks. Kids learn best when they're physically and emotionally ready."

    It's important not to feel pressured by the experiences of family and friends, says Barbara Howard, MD, FAAP a clinical professor of pediatrics at Duke University Medical Center, in Durham, North Carolina. Stories of children who have learned to use the bathroom by age one typically aren't examples of true toilet learning by the child, but rather are the result of extraordinary parental effort.

    A child younger than 12 months of age has no control over bladder and bowel movements and is not able to communicate an understanding of his bodily functions. In such cases, explains Dr. Howard, the parent is simply recognizing the physical cues that the child is about to pee or poop and promptly whisks him off to the toilet, pronouncing him "trained."

    Overly early toilet teaching can backfire, says Dr. Howard. "Children might suddenly refuse to use the potty for months, even years," she says. "Problems over control issues may surface in other areas, such as a child refusing to go to sleep or to eat." Some children may hold back their bowel movements.

    The goal in toilet teaching, says Dr. Howard, is to encourage your child to use his own initiative in the process--a skill that comes with maturity.

    (by Maria Buhl Preller) - Updated: March 8, 2001

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